[Jaymes]

One-Hundred Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do

[ghostrider]

"Don't wipe down the customers." Yup, sound advice.

[Aaron T]

Never refuse to seat three guests because a fourth has not yet arrived.

Do not inject your personal favorites when explaining the specials.

The list is very good overall. Very few places get most of this right. It drives me crazy when they won't seat you when three of the four of you are there and they are holding the table for you.

I don't give a sh*t what dishes the server likes. If I have a question please answer it, but whether this is your favorite porkchop is not my concern. Heck, i don't eat the pork dishes anyway.

[Lippy]

There are 50 more coming. If the restaurant followed just these, I'd be very happy with the service. To #38 and #39, I would add, "Do not address the table as 'guys.'"

[Jaymes]

Servers handling the rim of my drinking glass is my personal pet peeve.

You watch them buss the table next to you. They stick their fingers down into all of the glasses in order to more easily grab a handful.

And then they come over to your table, ask if you'd like more water, and pick up your glass by the rim.

Yuck, yuck, yuck.

And it happens more often than it doesn't happen.

[Chad Ward]

17. Do not take an empty plate from one guest while others are still eating the same course. Wait, wait, wait.

I hate this. It rushes the table and makes those still eating feel like they are holding things up, puting uncomfortable focus on them. I'm always surprised when waiters don't know what I assume to be standard etiquette.

[flyfish]

I hope they touch on the now almost unavoidable "how is everything?" query. Mid-bite or not, this annoys me. If they are paying attention, they should know if someone needs something without having to ask/interfere.

[Lex]

9. Do not recite the specials too fast or robotically or dramatically. It is not a soliloquy. This is not an audition.

I've got a better idea - print the specials out and insert them in the menu. We've all got computers now so it's cheap and easy. Then we'd be spared listening to the endless list that drones on and on. Then asking for items to be repeated if something interests you. Then you play the game of having to ask the price to avoid sticker shock at the end of the meal. It would make life a whole lot easier just to have it all printed out.

41. Saying, “No problem” is a problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm. “My pleasure” or “You’re welcome” will do.

I think that's a little fussy. The phrase is in common usage and is absolutely neutral.

[Lex]

I hope they touch on the now almost unavoidable "how is everything?" query. Mid-bite or not, this annoys me. If they are paying attention, they should know if someone needs something without having to ask/interfere.

You're not going to like this.

14. When you ask, “How’s everything?” or “How was the meal?” listen to the answer and fix whatever is not right.

[flyfish]

I hope they touch on the now almost unavoidable "how is everything?" query. Mid-bite or not, this annoys me. If they are paying attention, they should know if someone needs something without having to ask/interfere.

You're not going to like this.

14. When you ask, “How’s everything?” or “How was the meal?” listen to the answer and fix whatever is not right.

Oh crap, missed that.

[Jaymes]

I hope they touch on the now almost unavoidable "how is everything?" query. Mid-bite or not, this annoys me. If they are paying attention, they should know if someone needs something without having to ask/interfere.

You're not going to like this.

14. When you ask, "How's everything?" or "How was the meal?"� listen to the answer and fix whatever is not right.

A restaurant owner once told me that this was a legal issue. In his view, anyway, that was the point of sale. If you were asked "How's everything?" and you respond that it's fine, you've bought it.

I don't know if that's an actual law of some kind or merely this one owner's personal view. But ever since he told me that, when I'm asked how is the meal, I pause for a moment and consider if it's good enough that I'm accepting the contract and I'm paying.

Or if there's something bad enough that I want to quibble about it.

[Sneakeater]

I'd be very surprised if the law worked that way.

But it seems weird to me: how many times have you seen anyone refuse to pay? Is it a common occurence?

[Lex]

I'd be very surprised if the law worked that way.

But it seems weird to me: how many times have you seen anyone refuse to pay? Is it a common occurence?

I had a major argument with someone on another site about that. She insisted that if she had a meal she didn't like she had an absolute right not to pay. She claimed she could just walk out. I tried to explain the concept of theft of services but she was having none of it.

I asked her what she'd do if the owner called the cops. I can imagine the conversation.

"Officer, this hamburger is bland and tasteless. I refuse to pay."

Cop takes a small bite of Exhibit A.

"Why yes ma'am, you're right. Thanks for reporting this. We're going to revoke the owner's business permit."

[StephanieL]

Waiter Rant's take

[mongo_jones]

alas, not a very funny or clever take. though i do agree about the crafts project bit.