You should've removed one of your shoes and then beat him about the head and neck with it.

boiler still doesn't work properly. Oven packed up last week and fridge keeps defrosting so is on its last legs. Really glad I spent loads of money on a laptop the other week.

I left my wallet at home today. Very annoying.

Amazon.com. I think. Or perhaps the doormen in my building. When I lived without a doorman, I never had a problem with Amazon delivery. The UPS guy left everything with the super. For the third time since I moved to the alleged full-service luxury building, I have recieved a notice from Amazon telling me a package was undeliverable and that I am being refunded. Minus shipping costs, of course.

Just broke the heel on my shoe.

Tore my last pair of wearable pants.
Wore down the heels of nearly last pair of nice shoes.
The phone isn't ringing.
My in-box is empty.

Just so I don't sound COMPLETELY pathetic, I know in about five minutes someone will walk through the door and be verrrrry happy to see me.

Had lunch for breakfast this morning, thanks to change in time zones. What should I have for lunch?

That should bring the day to a swift end.

Exactly.

Sitting on the porch with my best girlfriends having cocktails yesterday afternoon, all of us talking about Champion Booty Calls of the past. You know, the boys that were always ready and willing, and then went away quietly when it was time to go away. Well. I am going on and on about one boy in particular, when I hear feet coming up the stairs . . . lo and behold, it's the boyfriend, coming home from work. Should have looked over the railing first to make sure he wasn't approaching. Of course he heard everything.

What's surreal is that we were listening to The Pixies "Here Comes Your Man" right when it all happened. The boyfriend said: "wasn't this song enough of a sign for you to shut up?"

the article i need to shrink by at least 1500 words (to get it to conform to the guidelines of the journal i wish to submit it to) is instead growing.

Take out the adjectives.

i am tempted to write to the editor and ask if he'll accept 8000 very short words in place of 6000 normal ones. that way i could take out the fancy adjectives and replace them with things like "cool" and "neat" and use "stuff" or "shit" as a catch-all replacement for words like "theories", "linguistic strategies" etc.

"in this novel upamanyu chatterjee employs innovative linguistic strategies"

"in this novel upamanyu chatterjee does some cool stuff"

maybe replace all long indian names with "the dude".

"in this novel the dude does some cool shit"

Clearly, you need to give up original thinking. It's all those big ideas you have that make you so long-winded.

Pare it and publish, I say.

Left elbow. No problem lifting heavy objects with left hand, but any medium to heavy downward pressure, involving elbow (e.g. simply pressing arms of chair when standing up), causes shooting pains.

Diagnoses welcome.

No, it's not gout, you bastards.

your insides are rotting. cannot speak for your soul.

Not as rotten as your rotten paper.

Neighborhood kids writing "King Kong" in my newly poured, $4,000 sidewalk (that we could barely afford, but needed to put in so the insurance company would renew our policy). Both "cute" and "not so fucking funny" at the same time.

Indeed....and with any luck, it will be with one of the offending lasses....

Overdid it in the garden this afternoon, sifting soil of all things. My lower back is howling in pain, even with 2 Aleve and no small amount of red wine ingested. I suspect there may be a trip to the doctor and a plea for Vicodin in my future. Not much of a stretch...my doc's seen x-rays of my back and has prescribed the big V in the past. But in the meantime....ow.

quick, go operate some heavy machinery

(my, i'm just full of helpful, empathetic suggestions today)

High pollen counts. My allergies have been resistant to medication the last couple of days.

Place with the best burger in town closes today. I know where I'm going for lunch.

Managed to crack the windshield of my car changing the #$%^& wiper blade. Grrr.

Flyfish

If you believe the stories in the press, this country is awash with pea shoots. The chattering classes have been there done that and they're now in Sainsbury's; no doubt a short time before Macdonalds introduces a pea shoot and duck breast wrap. So as they're coming into season, one could pick up a few for dinner, no? Surely, at least, everyone would know what I was talking about.

No. Solstice list them but couldn't supply. So I dropped round the temple of the chatterati, Fresh and Wild.

- Do you have any pea shoots? I asked.

- What, you mean to grow peas with?

- No, they're a sort of green.

He shot me a contemptuous look and said that greens were going out of season. I protested that pea shoots were a spring green, but he'd already disappeared.

Oh well, at least Sainsbury's would have them. They might not be as good as F&W, which wouldn't have been as good as Solstice, but what with all the publicity they've devoted to the things, a huge branch with the right clientele like, say, Ladbroke Grove, would work. Right?

- Excuse me, do you have any pea shoots?

- Beetroot?

- No, pea shoots.

- Oh yes, over here. (My pulse quickens, until ...)

- No, those are bamboo shoots.

- Oh sorry, I mean here.

- Those are peanut shoots.

etc.

oh, I had some lovely pea shoots from the Finchley Road branch of Sainsbury's the other day....

Damm it's raining yet again.

I'm hungry. Prep for lunch is done, and it's plenty past lunch time. And the stove just ran out of gas.

Propane guys will be here sometime this afternoon.

*sigh*

People who use many words but say very little.

Tree pollen.

Yes indeed. Can anyone explain what is going on with the pollen, and why people who usually don't have any problems (or only minor problems) with allergies are suffering so badly this year?

It just can't quite manage to be spring here.

Wish I could send you our rain. I'm getting sick of it!

Please take our rain. I'm going camping and delayed my trip for a day because, It's FUCKIN raining again. I hate to set up camp in the rain.