Another fucking concert - cod Sinatra this time. He's currently mangling 'My Way' The upside is the good fireworks at the end - due in a few minutes - although little cat is unimpressed.

v

Summertime in NYC. Air conditioning blasting in every store, yet the doors to so many are wide open to the street, all the time. What a waste.

The fact that the evoo/Sauternes cake I am trying (against several unpredicted odds) to make seems, on looking in the oven, to have become a souffle.

In the hope of supporting my little local bookstore, I go there instead of Borders to purchase The Tomato Festival Cookbook. I know they won't have it (but will order it), and Borders will, but I'm determined to help out the little guy.
When the salesclerk tells me, "We're here next week, but on vacation the following two," I ask if the book could arrive next week. "If it doesn't, you could always buy it somewhere else," she tells me. "Yes, I can, but I was hoping to purchase it here from you and not from a big store," I tell her.
"Well, that's fine, but we might not get it, so you might just want to buy it somewhere else".

Not: "Let me see what I can do. Thank you!
Not: "We really appreciate customers who do that..."

ARGH

the subway

"Debit or credit?"

Debit.

"Can I see photo ID?"

You don't need to because I am going to enter a pin number.

"I need photo ID."

No you don't.

"Yes I do."

No you don't.

"Oh. Okay."

rolleyes

I don't. I just threaten to cancel my purchase.

Yes, me too.

An alternative is to leer suggestively and offer to give them yours if they give you theirs. Works with both sexes.

Edit. This is the sort of look you should go for.

I return something. Gap or Banana Republic - same scenario. I paid cash originally, I have the receipt, tag still on the garment. It's just a few days since I bought it. I want to return it (that's one case) or I want to exchange it (another case).

They ask me to fill out a form in both cases, with my name address phone etc. I refuse. She says I have to. I refuse again. Manager comes over, tells her to forget about it. Next time I just make up the information on the form, write completely illegibly, no problem.

Oh yeah, my worst ever... AAARGH (stamps feet).

I accidentally buy an abridged edition of a classic in Barnes & Noble. The next day I take it back to the same store, with a receipt, select an unabridged edition, which is more expensive and seek to make an exchange (obviously, paying the extra money for the more expensive book).

"Do you have ID?"

Why?

"I need personal ID to make a refund."

I'm not asking for a refund. I am trying to spend money.

"I still need to see personal ID."

But I want to give you my money.

"I still need to see personal ID."

I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I am going to have to kill you.

ARGH.
I can't even write it clearly I'm so annoyed.
But the punch line is:
"Why would you think www.bettycrocker.com would not be an impartial source or nutritional information?"

• Flying ants
• Accidentally opening the Tour de France thread (a reflection on myself, not the thread)
• Still not cooking

v

Having to cancel my long-awaited vacation because my traveling companion dumped me.

Oh dear.
Let me know if crumb cake would help!

Crumb cake and chocolate would definitely help.

Have already consoled myself with drinks at the Campbell Apartment, dim sum, and a wonderful dinner at Blue Hill (obviously, not all at the same time). BBQ Fest awaits on Saturday.

Furniture deliverers refused to cart out old sofa. Even worse, I'm not sure how I feel about the new furniture. It's all very grown-up.

Have just been told that:

- Creative threw out everything I told them about content management systems over a month ago (and kept re-iterating) and sold in a design that won't work on one. I'm going to Pheonix next week specifically to do the technical analyse for the design.

- Due to the creative issue, my leaving date has been pushed back by a week because they're having trouble finding a contractor who can manage the issue. There's nothing quite like staying overtime to fix a mess.

Annoyances:

How do I stop this pesky bleeding from my eyes and ears? Thanks.

Are you sure you inserted the hooks correctly?

Profound Annoyance: The continuing existence of British Airways and their legal department.

Maurice, I'm sorry. On the other hand, you have a spiffy new sig line.


My pal George Lois tore his Achilles Tendon playing basketball.

Shall we enlist a team of Roman Chair-iots?

Human Resources departments are neither human nor resourceful. Discuss.

George is Greek. Like Achilles.


HR: the anti-personnel department.

All depends on who's in the HR department, no?

I'm in the process of procuring generous, excellent new benefits for a group, and everybody's needs get taken into consideration as we make the plan purchases. Pretty nice HR "department," if you ask me.

Annoyance is such a mild, stupid, retarded, useless fucking word. BAH!

Refreshing active topics and seeing lots of new posts to read. Then realising they're all by me.

The couple seated next to us recently, at an innocent reastaurant which shall remain nameless. She was sporting a bindi, he a topknot like those worn by Sikh gentlemen. Both, need I add, were as white as yours truly which is pretty damn white. As they sat down, he slowly and lovingly unfurled his tresses, flipping them about in the general direction of my dining companion, who was next to him. This became a secondary annoyance aboout 30 seconds later, when the intense body odor of both of this pair reached us. Thank God we were winding up with dessert. People, if you must practice Bikram yoga have the courtesy to shower prior to heading out for the evening!

Two hours to go six miles via auto. You can imagine how much the child in the car seat enjoyed it.

Partners. What they say and what they really mean.

She says: "Remember, you don't have any soda/milk/bread in the house."

She means: "I have finished all the soda/milk/bread and not bought any more."

?

I am very frustrated with some evil company Triad, probably a collections department that keeps calling and asking for Luis Jiminez. Suffice it to say that I am not him. They keep on calling back daily and leave voicemails if I am not home.

The last employee I spoke with demanded to know my name and infomation. I refused and she told me that they would keep calling then. I just got off the phone with the Santa Monica police department after reporting them for harassment. And I am on the Do Not Call list too. This is ridiculous. I hope they get fined and put out of business!

I had many such experiences when living a nomadic life in rented flats and bedsits, Aaron. A place I lived at in Hackney had previously been occupied by a gentleman who seemed to have fleeced every business and utility in the city, and people were constantly battering on the door.

Good luck.