I went to the DMV to get a learners permit this morning. That was the first annoyance: that although my UK license is perfectly OK for driving in the US (as long as I’m not a resident), it is not sufficient to get me an NYS license. I have to take lessons and a test.

So I walk to the office on 34th Street and 9th Avenue and am told that that’s for renewals only. I have to go to Broadway and 34th. I wish they'd made that clear on the website. Still, not too far. I get to the Broadway office and the line for the learners permit is long but moves quickly. I think I’m going to be out in a more than acceptable hour. But after having my photograph taken I’m told to wait for the written test. There are far more people waiting for this, and worse, there is no line, no system, just one big scrum of people jostling to get into the test room. The test takes about 30 minutes all told and only 18 people are processed at a time. Slow going. The test is a piece of piss (though I’m not sure what lane you should turn into when turning left from a two way street to a one way street, nor why anyone would care) but then I have to line up a third time to actually get the permit (and pay my $45). All in all about three hours of waiting, much of it standing.

Did I mention I’ve got gout at the moment?

All that just to get a learner's permit? I was thinking of getting one in lieu State ID. It's increasingly the case that one is asked for official photo ID when using a credit card, and I am not going to carry my passport around with me.

Is gout worse than arthritis, not as bad, or about the same?

Glyn - you may have participated in a small, gouty step toward legalized, same sex marriage rights, as well.

In the US, states are required to accept other states' driving permits, vehicle registrations, etc. You don't have to reregister your vehicle at the state line, or pass the new state's exhaust gas tests, or be licensed again to drive in th enew place.

That's part of the reciprocity among states, and precisely one of the arguments to require recognition of one state's license of marriage in another state. For many years, Southern state licenses, which allowed 15 year olds to drive, were much prized in the North where 17 was often the required age.

NY State offers a non-driver's license, as an alternative. It's much quicker to get one, since it doesn't require the written exam. It is as universally accepted as a driver's license for identification, but not, of course, as permission to actually drive a car.

Does diet have anything to do with it, as we are led to believe?

Yes, I am looking forward to my hip replacement. Don't know when it will be, but I have no doubt I'll need one one day.

Sorry to hear about your member.

Don't ask about my shoulder.

I see you are a walking multiple risk factor.

I am increasingly annoyed by the blurring of lines between disco and store. Walking around downtown these days, I don't know if I've walked into a store, or some nightmare teeeny bopper club. I have asked the store people to turn down the music on several occasions in recent weeks.

I hate people between the ages of 13 - 25. I think they should be sent to another planet when they turn 13, and only be allowed back when they're 25.

Yes, yes, I know there are exceptions. Like the children of anyone reading this.

Pissing rain.

Jesus, pissing rain eh? I would visit your Doctor Wilfrid

Stop, my sides are aching.

My new cowboy boots hurt my feet. I know I have to go through a breaking-in phase, but in the meantime my left pinky toe is cursing at me non-stop.

Visit the Dr. Scholl's display at a drug store and pick up some Moleskin.

It's not a rubbing thing, it's a tight thing.

My computer has a virus: W32Netsky.P @mm that Norton says it caught and deleted, but it still crashes when I try to access my e-mail on Eudora.

Papercuts. Hate 'em. Ouch.

Everything was OK for a year or so.

Why is is that otherwise perfectly good delis serve awful pickles? What does a gal have to do in this town to get a decent pickle, other than go to a pickle specialty store???

"Hello, I'm Eudora Welty and I'm calling on behalf of MCI phone service. Are you a decision maker of this residence?"

"I am the decision-maker, not merely for this household, but for the entire known universe. Please hold while I move in a mysterious way."

I always let them finish their schtick while showing interest and then say

" it sounds great and I am thrilled that you would consider offering this service to an undischarged bankrupt like me"

click.........................................

I like to tell them that their call may be monitored for quality assurance purposes.

Jehovah's Witnesses are the best fun

There is always

One white/one black
One old/one young
One really gabby and one silent ( I think one is a ventriloquist and is working the other one " may I tell you about Christ my personal saviour while my friend here drinks a glass of water?")

The best way I have found to deal with them is when they say "may we come in and talk to you about your salvation" say " sure, come on in. I have just put the kettle on" at which point they go "you're a nutter" and leave

S

Being afraid to switch my elderly computer off in case it decides never to boot up properly again

v

Went to see the Wildlife photographer of the year exhibition at the Natural History Museum. Halfway through was the "how we affect nature" (or whatever) category which was basically pictures of dead and exploited animals. Put me off for the rest of the exhibition. I worry about that shit too much in my own time to have it thrust on me in the middle of trying to see some happy and picturesque stuff. Fuckers.

Shopping for lovely, sweet crisp green beans...The woman who was maintaining a cellphone conversation throughout her shopping trip had planted herself in from of them, and oh so casually, sorted thru them, while being totally oblivious to "Excuse me"s, reaching, invading her space....
My most extreme pet-peeve....So amazingly rude...Even the aroma of galleygirl, fresh from the gym, didn't make her move, or mis a word....

When the bible-thumpers come a knockin' - I just tell them I'm a Jew. Jew, jew, jew I say. Usually they back away.

If this doesn't work, I add "goin' straight to hell and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

My advice is - try it even if you're not a jew! It's just plain fun.

Really now - if you're going to knock on my Torah-strewn doorpost, wadaya want?

Most of the gym tv screens non-functional, so the decide to play Robbie fucking Williams and Cher on the two remaining screens. Fuckers.

Jehovah's Witnesses, ask 'em if it is true that they get their own planet to rule, once they are dead and also how come if the places in this paradise are so limited why are they re-cruiting? Fuck with there brains, I say. Appologies to all JW's.

There is no such thing as matzoh ball soup. There is chicken (or I suppose it could be something else) soup with matzoh balls. Soup does not get its flavor from matzoh balls. Grrrrr.

another "annoyances" thread. grrrr.

Damn Danish. Bakery has run out of the again.

Stupid British people and their obsession with queuing. If there is a bus, then get on it.

Hence, the joke. Bada bing!

Ill-mannered Australians who don't understand what queuing is.

You'll have to explain to me why this is my fault. But do it gently, because I came on this thread to post about the relentless, hammering ice cold rain.

Obviously not your fault old boy, as you have all the signs of being a doer, not a queuer. Simply responding to "ill mannered Australian", which I hear all day at work.

Nope, in these places I get called 'South African'.

Never mind, in a few years I will be somewhere else and they will still be living their half-lives here. Hah!

I get called an Australian in New York. Admittedly, the context is usually "What impeccable manners for an Australian..."

Eel eating fop more likely.